Maybe After He's Gone
by Chip-Nips
Summary: It's Howard's job to prepare for a visit from Bainbridge but some disturbances in the reptile house make things difficult. Vince/Howard fluff and implied Howard/Gideon and Vince/Gideon. Zooniverse.
1. Chapter 1

_**This fic was inspired by the song 'Maybe After He's Gone' by The Zombies**_

* * *

**Chapter 1**

It was another busy day at the zoo. The entire staff was busily preparing for a visit from Bainbridge, who was coming that afternoon. Howard had pleaded, poked, and prodded to be put in charge of the preparations. He had everything carefully planned out so the event would go on without a hitch.

Howard had made sure every cage was clean and every animal was accounted for. The monkey house's windows needed scrubbing and Naboo's shop was in dire need of some organization. He trotted through the zoo wearing a pocket protector and holding a clipboard, ready to jot down notes with his brand new biro. It was the type of biro with the clicky bit at the back that made the tip go in and out. That was Howard's favorite kind.

He passed by the reptile house and sighed with longing. Mrs. Gideon was in there. His one true love. How wonderful life would be when they finally settled down together. Howard let his mind wander into a wistful dreamland at the thought. They would get a nice cottage in the countryside where they could raise all of Mrs. Gideon's pets safely and healthily. Every night they would have dinner together and talk about trumpets and lists and then go to sleep in two separate beds next to each other.

Bam!

Howard suddenly walked face-first into the side of one of the enclosures. The daydream had distracted him so much that he had no idea which way he was going. He shook himself and was about to start walking again when he heard a strange squeak and a scuffling sound.

Suddenly he heard a shriek and he jumped about a foot into the air. He whipped his head around to see what was the matter.

"Oh no…"

The enclosure he bumped into belonged to the common dwarf mongoose (or helogale parvula) and the resulting jostling caused the cage door to swing open. The latch had come loose and the mongoose managed to scamper out. The tiny footprints in the sandy ground lead right to the entrance of the reptile house.

"Oh noooo!" Howard moaned again and ran off after the tiny creature.

Howard burst through the doors of the reptile house to be met with a ghastly scene. He found the mongoose sitting in the middle of the floor with his jaws clamped around a writhing and wriggling figure with Mrs. Gideon staring down in horror at the carnage.

"My Sunny! Let go of my Sunny!"

The snake's tiny body thrashed and flailed in the mongoose's mouth. The furry creature whipped its head back and forth and the snake fell limp. The mongoose scampered off out of the building, its new lunch dangling from its jaws.

Mrs. Gideon, mouth agape, slumped to the floor beneath the enclosures.

Howard looked at her, not sure what to do.

"S-sorry about that, Mrs. Gideon. Cleaners must've left the cage open…heh…"

He glanced from side to side, trying to think of what to do.

"That was Sunny. He was my prized sunbeam snake," Mrs. Gideon said quietly.

She looked up at Howard and gestured weakly with her hands.

"You should have seen the way his skin reflected the sunlight. Like little rainbows across his back."

She choked on her words as tears welled up in her eyes.

Howard wanted to comfort the poor woman but he was so taken aback by the whole situation. He couldn't help but blame himself for what happened and he felt just horrible.

Howard opened his mouth up to say something when the loud sound of boot heels interrupted him.

"Oi! Mrs. Gideon! Does this belong to you?"

Vince trotted in, holding a shining little snake in his hands.

"Vince? What? Is that my Sunny?"

Mrs. Gideon stood up in disbelief. Howard looked at Vince with the same expression.

"Wha-?"

"Yeah! I found him in a little mongoose's mouth! I had to convince the thing to let the little fella' go. All I had to do was give him a little bit of this beef jerky I had in my pocket. It was genius."

"Is he still…ok?"

Mrs. Gideon craned her beehived head to get a better look at the snake.

"Yeah, he's in shock though. Little bloke got the tits scared off him."

Vince handed the snake to Mrs. Gideon and it weakly wound around her wrist.

"Oh thank you, Vince! How can I ever repay you?"

"Oh, it was nuffin'." Vince blushed like a child and dug his toes into the floor.

"Well, I'm sure I'll think of something. I'll go now and make sure that Mr. Fossil knows that the mongoose has gotten out of his cage. Goodbye, Vince and goodbye…erm…"

"'Oward, " Vince corrected gently.

"Yes! Goodbye Harrold!"

Mrs. Gideon flounced away with the tiny creature curling its shiny tail around her arm.

It was quiet for a moment and Vince glanced over at Howard. Howard looked back at him, a mixed expression of anger and bewilderment on his face.

"Alright, 'Oward?" Vince said sheepishly as he exited the reptile house with a little less than the usual spring in his step.

Howard just sat there in disbelief at what just happened


	2. Chapter 2

_**This fic was inspired by the song 'Maybe After He's Gone' by The Zombies**_

* * *

**Chapter 2**

Luckily the rest of the planning went a bit more smoothly. No more escaped mongooses; Howard made sure of that. Bainbridge's visit was approaching and Howard's nerves were on edge. He had to make sure everything was perfect. There was no room for error when it came to Bainbridge.

As Howard was on his way back to the office he remembered that he had forgotten to sweep up some glass that had been broken during the incident in the reptile house earlier. He grabbed a broom from the hook on the nearby enclosure and trotted back to the house. He was still a bit shaken up from the issue with the mongoose even though it was all over now. Maybe Mrs. Gideon knew that he was the one who accidentally let the thing out of its cage.

Howard shook his head. It's impossible. She'd never find out.

Meanwhile, Vince was back at the reptile house to check on Mrs. Gideon. He bounced in through the glass door in his usual charming fashion.

"Oi, Mrs. Gideon! Is Sunny all better yet?"

Mrs. Gideon looked up at Vince and smiled.

"Oh yes, Vince! He's still a bit frazzled by the bite but he seems to be recovering quickly."

She brushed a few stray hairs out of her eyes.

"Oh good! I was a bit worried for a bit." Vince replied with his usual goofy grin. "But listen, I gotta get goin'. I promised Naboo I'd help him hide a few things before Bainbridge gets here. You know about that crazy shaman! Woooooaaaah!" Vince crossed his eyes and gesticulated wildly with his hands.

Mrs. Gideon laughed quietly but her eyes didn't stray from Vince's face.

"Don't go yet. I still haven't thanked you properly for saving my Sunny."

She moved closer and put her hands on Vince's chest. She played with one of the pins on his jacket flirtatiously.

"Erm…yeah. Well, it's all fine, Mrs. Gideon. No trouble, ya know!"

Vince laughed nervously and tried to edge backwards, finding himself in the centre of the room.

Mrs. Gideon moved with him and slid her hands up onto his shoulders.

"No, I need to thank you properly, Vince. A beautiful young man like yourself needs proper gratitude."

Vince was about to say something to brush away the odd remark but he was interrupted by Mrs. Gideon's lipsticked lips pressing against his own.

Vince was shocked by the gesture and felt very uncomfortable. He put his hands on the older woman's hips to try to push her away but it only seemed to make her more intent on sucking his face off.

Howard arrived at the reptile house and was about to open the door when he saw something strange through the glass. He squinted his eyes so that they were even smaller, trying to make out what the darkened shape was. No, there were two shapes. Two shapes that were awfully close together. But what were they?

It hit him. He suddenly felt sick. He knew what the shapes were but couldn't believe what he saw.

Vince was standing in the middle of the room and Mrs. Gideon was with him. She had her hands placed on his shoulders and his hands were on her waist. Their lips locked together in a passionate kiss with, as some would say, "no room for the Lord". Howard dropped his broom and tore himself from the hideous sight. He ran off without considering his destination. His heart was pounding in his chest and the only logical place he could consider running to was the zoo office. He turned the corner violently, skidding on the sand and burst through the door of the main building. Bob Fossil stood in his path.

"What do ya think you're doin', stink-for-brains?" Fossil scowled, his breath smelling like he had flossed his teeth with old cheese. "Bainbridge is gonna be here any minute and we don't have time for any pussyfootin' around, capisce?"

Fossil puffed out his chest, trying to look as important as he could.

Howard's face turned a violent shade of magenta as a sudden burst of strength he never knew he had coursed through his veins.

"Oh sod Bainbridge!" He cried out and pushed past Fossil. Fossil was too bewildered to follow but shouted back, "Oh, I will! I'm gonna do that tonight, shrimpy boy! Just you wait! Sod means 'fuck' right? Cuz, if it means 'fuck' I'm totally gonna do that!"

Howard ignored the ramblings of that deranged maniac and clumsily ran through the office door, slamming it behind him and leaning up against it.

Vince pulled himself away from Mrs. Gideon, bewildered. He had seen Howard run off out of the corner of his eye and knew immediately that something was very, very wrong.

"What's the matter, Vince? Don't you like me?"

Mrs. Gideon gazed into Vince's big blue eyes coyly and batted her eyelashes.

Vince choked a bit and replied, "Oh, I like you fine! You're, erm, gorgeous! There's just some things I need to attend to right now. Just hold on a tick!"

Vince squirmed out of Mrs. Gideon's grasp and raced out the door.

"Oh…Oh, 'Oward…


	3. Chapter 3

_**This fic was inspired by the song 'Maybe After He's Gone' by The Zombies**_

* * *

**Chapter 3**

Howard felt his feelings bubble up like an angry crab inside his tummy-space. He didn't really know what he was meant to do now. He always felt that every moment in his life could be placed into a little box to be organized with other boxes into a tiny box village. This feeling kept his brain organized so he didn't have to experience too many emotions at once. This is why he was always cool, calm, and collected; suave and debonaire. Now, Howard Moon didn't know what to think. He had to choose between his best mate and the love of his life. Yes, Vince had always been by his side, but he never really had anyone else that had occupied that role before. He wondered what it would be like to have a woman take care of him; a woman brush the brown smoke from his forehead ; a woman make him tea in the morning with 'just one half-spoonful of sugar, thank you'.

A strong woman who would be able to do all those things properly and without any assistance, just the way Howard liked it.

Howard slumped onto the couch and put his face in his hands, trying to grab a hold of himself. He had never felt like this before. He was angry, sad, and frustrated all at once; each emotion building off of the other. Should he talk to Mrs. Gideon about it? Should he talk to Vince? Should he talk to Bob?

Howard shook his head. No, he should by no means ever talk to Bob.

Just as Howard was ready to throw himself against the wall of the tiny room, the door opened.

"Hey 'Oward! You alright?"

Vince entered almost sheepishly, closing the door behind him.

Howard said nothing.

"Erm, I just wanted to say sorry for earlier," Vince said with a half-smile as he sat next to his brown-haired companion. "It wasn't my fault. She just sorta flew at me like some great bird. Well, she is a bird, but…well, you know what I mean." He half-laughed at his own joke but Howard was still silent, looking down at his feet.

Vince tentatively held out his hand and moved to rest it on Howard's shoulder. At the feeling of Vince's fingertips, Howard jolted away. He looked up at Vince, his brow furrowed and his eyes boiling.

"How could you do that to me, Vince?" Howard's chest hurt. His mind was spinning out of control. Vince had never seen Howard like this and it was his turn to be at a loss for words.

"You knew how I felt about her! No! You just had to weasel in like always!" Howard's voice was shaking and he was almost shouting now. "Everybody likes Vince Noir! Everybody loves Vince Noir! Nobody even remembers stupid Howard Moon! That old squinty-eyed git, Howard Moon! You always get everything you want! You can talk to bloody animals for god's sake! Mrs. Gideon was the only thing I had! The only thing I could look forward to every day, and you just snatched her up like a great blue bloody heron!"

Tears were stinging Howard's eyes as he tried to stand up, unsteady on his feet. He stumbled over the coffee table and banged his leg in the process. He roared and kicked the leg of the table with his foot, doing nothing but causing himself more pain and anguish. He slumped defeatedly back onto the couch and leaned his head back. He let out a few long sobbing sighs and then just went quiet.

Vince had jumped up when Howard had and was taken aback by this sudden explosion of emotion. He didn't really know what to say.

"Umm…'Oward?"

"Go away…"

"'Oward, really…"

"Please, just leave me alone, Vince…please…"

"No, you need-"

"Haven't you done enough damage already?"

Howard lifted his head up and glared at the fluffy-haired man standing above him.

"'Oward you've got it all wrong!"

Vince tried to say this tenderly but there was a tinge of frustration in his voice.

"Oh really? What is it this time? Is Fossil the third member of this couple now? Does everybody want a piece of Mrs. Gideon?"

"No, you great melon!" Vince snapped. "Sure, Mrs. Gideon likes me, but I don't like her back."

Howard sighed and looked away.

"Great, you've solved all my problems. Congratulations, you're brilliant."

"No! I mean…I like someone else."

Howard grimaced silently in the corner of the couch he now sadly occupied.

Vince swallowed the lump in his throat and gingerly sat next to his best mate.

"I like-"

The words caught in his throat. This wasn't exactly how he expected himself expressing these feelings but now was as good a time as ever.

"I like you, 'Oward."

He re-enforced this statement with a sloppy peck on Howard's cheek.

Howard looked over at Vince with the most ridiculously puzzled expression. Vince had to stop himself from laughing.

"This isn't funny Vince. It's not fair to hit a man when he's down."

Vince giggled.

"Why not?"

"Well, it's against the rules, sir."

"What rules? The rules of being a git? I'm serious! I like you 'Oward."

"How could you possibly like me? Nobody likes me. You've seen it. Even Mrs. Gideon chose you over me."

Vince was a little irritated by Howard's stubbornness.

"Well, I chose you, 'Oward, alright? I mean, I love ya…"

Vince's voice wavered on the last sentence and he trailed off a bit.

Howard furrowed his brow again and looked at Vince intently.

"You're joking."

"No, no I mean it! I care about you more than any other man or woman I've ever known! Sure, I've been 'round the block a few times, but that was just 'cause I knew you were into Mrs. Gideon and all that rubbish. Now that she's kicked ya away, I came here to tell you how I feel. I really do love ya, 'Oward…"

Howard scoffed and looked away, his arms folded.

"Just leave. All this is just a load of bollocks. You're just insulting me now."

Vince shuffled his feet as he sat and looked at his knees. He didn't budge.

"I said leave."

Howard's voice sounded cold and upset again.

Vince just sat there, staring down.

"Didn't you hear me? I said-!"

Howard was cut off by Vince's lips smashing against his own. Vince dug his fingers into the collar of Howard's green jacket and pulled him closer. Howard was shocked. He didn't understand. He could still feel the faint waxiness left behind from Mrs. Gideon's lipstick; or was it Vince's lipstick? He didn't know whether to be disgusted or enraged. He was about to pull back but as the kiss deepened he slowly relaxed. He closed his eyes and was flooded by memories.

Howard remembered the time when he had influenza and Vince had made him that lukewarm bowl of canned soup and stale digestives. He remembered the time he was having the nightmare about the Killeroo again and how he felt a hand sloppily fumble with his hair. He remembered the time Vince tried to make the morning tea and dumped half the pot of sugar into Howard's cup and spilled milk all over the tablecloth.

Howard sighed. Maybe he didn't need a woman to do all these things properly. Maybe all these things were done just the way they needed to be. Maybe Vince was alright. Maybe Vince would do.

Howard smiled to himself and pulled Vince closer as they kissed.

Maybe Vince would do just fine

**END.**

****_Please r/r_


End file.
